My full comments on the Grammies

A while back I posted up my part in an article that Victor Infante did in the T&G about the Grammies. I wanted to post the entire text of my comments to Victor, because I think there’s some funny/fun/awesome stuff in there. Narcissistic? This is the fucking internet. :-D Here they are…

The Grammies are a different planet for me, but I can speak on the artists that have been nominated and what I think of their art. I truly do not care who wins or believe that there is any substantive notion to whether or not the award is tangibly relevant in the artistic sense. Like a college degree or a professional certification, though, you get more work if you’ve got the document saying you’re good. Heh. I don’t hate the Grammies - I really don’t care because it’s simply not relevant to my life.

And I mean it. If my least favourite artist ever gets heralded as “Most Likely to Fuck Satan in the Ass and Make All Right with the World” or whatever, I don’t care. If Leonard Cohen got the “Wow You Suck” Award, I wouldn’t cry. I’m not trying to soapbox, I’m just overly verbose and I love music. I think you know me by now. :-P

My point? Obfuscated as it was: It is that I don’t care who wins. I probably won’t listen to someone who talks about it (I can pretend!). If ODB or Kanye doesn’t bumrush the show and make things fun, what’s the point? It is standing proof against G-d that they did not join forces before ODB was murdered by the state (making crack illegal? WTF, THE STATE, WTF)

Oh yes. The artists. I’ll talk about the ones I know anything about and I’ll TRY and skip the obvious (i.e. Beyonce and Norah Jones have amazing voices). :-P


Cee Lo has been dope as fuck since the Goodie Mob. Straight up…best dude in one of the best Southern rap crews ever since I was copping dimebags of swag from dudes in Jenco jeans. If he gets more work because he wins a Grammy, I’m sure him and Twista will blaze up (They did a track together on Twista’s “Adrenaline Rush” 2007 record). That he and Danger Mouse dropped that album was amazing (you know what I’m talking about), but both of them saw their best work before now….until The Lady Killer. The dude kills it. I don’t know anything about the production on that record but what the hell kind of a quantum leap has Cee Lo gone through to bring present day wordsmithing into 70’s motown functionality? Not of this planet. The guy is out of his mind talented. If you’ve never seen it, check out his skit from the Lyricist’s Lounge show…great voice, mad underrated rapper. Plus, I like swears.

Eminem’s the dude…I don’t care. He has put out some trash, no doubt, but there isn’t a bad thing that can be said about his rap mechanics. Right now he’s doing what he thinks is right. Doesn’t include good music, unfortunately, but hey - what are we gonna do? Let him eat, fuggit. Thank you for the Marshal Mathers LP, the Slim Shady LP/EP and all those guest spots with The High & Mighty and shit that really lit up the underground. OH YEAH, and for introducing me to Cage…who’s really grown up a lot. Your turn? Word.

Jay-Z and Alicia Keys are insanely talented, but I haven’t heard their song. Narduar’s interview with Jay-Z is a MUST SEE. YouTube…now.

Lady Gaga is what happens when the early nineties has a lovechild with the more obscure british disco-pop of the eighties, using a synthesizer as…inspiration. I obviously approve.

Katy Perry? I only know her boobs from Sesame Street. I know I’ve heard her songs, and watched pretty girls dance to it, but I couldn’t tell you anything she’s done except get picked on by overly concerned parents.

I heard Florence & The Machine once while I kissed a girl. She was exceptionally pretty, and the music didn’t offend me. The CD is still at my house, and I haven’t listened to it again since. I’m sure it’s great.

I was just introduced to Mumford & Sons. It was interesting! Someone told me it reminded them of me, which I found as inaccurate as I did complimentary.

Justin Bieber just wins because I know his name and I saw that weird video where the girl plays him and this other cat for suckas. Because they are probably suckas (do the math - most people are)

MJ and 2Pac need to drop a Record. It’ll be Record of the Year.

Glee is bizarre. Keep in mind I didn’t watch many years of shows leading up to it…but how did this happen?! I don’t disapprove, but I’m sure that it’s popularity is a sign that my father is right and that people just keep getting worse and sliding into a moral decline we will never return from. Finally, some hope.

Sade…smooth. Mmmhmmm. (I know I said I wouldn’t state the obvious, but come on.)

Re: Imagine. NOT a popular opinion, I know, but I’d like to thank John Lennon for making the worst song ever made about an ideology I share with him. Thank you. This validates me listening to Skrewdriver AND Onyx back to back…

Jeff Beck, Stanley Clarke, Gorillaz and Brian Setzer?! Yikes. What happened there? I think it’s the same quantum leap Cee Lo’s fuckin with

Kenny G?! Dude. You’re a punchline. Back in your hole.

Susan Boyle is my hope. Someone sent me that link. I watched it. I cried, too. It says everything that need be said about beauty and its affect on humanity.

Who is Rihanna? I mean…as an artist. I know about the rest (2010 babaaaaaaaaaaaaaay). Have you ever heard that Riskay “Smell Yo Dick” song? I want Rihanna to cover that.

Johnny Mathis is an artist that was mentioned a lot by my parents as a “heart throb”. Thus, you can understand why I feel weird about…a lot of things. That whole category, though, is a handout to upper management that has done their times. They make music for a pension.

Clapton is racist and overrated.

Mayer is talented and confuses me.

Paul McCartney is the Beatle that should have ended up on a shoe.

Robert Plant did well by himself on this last record. It’s really very good, but I’ll never forgive him for those sounds he made in Led Zeppelin when he should have been shutting up or using words.

Neil Young I don’t know anything about. I know that is COMPLETELY bizarre, and I don’t know how it happened. Half of my band legitimately loves him, and I’ve seen some things that I respect from him.

The Black Keys. Just…the Black Keys. AM I RIGHT?! I’m right. Those dudes are monsters. The kind of monsters that don’t ask you if you’re ready to get your ass rocked off, the kind that just wait until you’re sleep and then use their powers to give you a nasty dream that includes getting their asses rocked off. Why is this better than asking? Because it shows a higher quotient of bad assery, that’s why.

Holy 90’s. There’s other rock bands….STP?! Soundgarden?! I liked both of their stuff when I was young. Also, I liked Them Crooked Vultures a lot too when I heard it. Never got into Alice in Chains, and I’m as frightened of that Ozzy record as I was the Dylan xmas album.

KORN!?!?! GO home. I am NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT ready, Mr. Davis. That said…it warms my heart to see Maiden, Slayer and Megadeth getting big upped…even if it’s way too late.

Wow. Going down this list makes me feel like things are really out of touch. I just don’t know for who.

Yikes. Pardon me, while I look for that quantum leap. I want to go tell my 16 year old self to quit school.

1 comment